WHERE WOULD YOU GET YOUR COAT? — Cole Porter — 1929

This is a splendid example of how Cole successfully worked around the censorship of the day — resulting in an incredibly sly, sexual, naughty and brilliant piece of songwriting. From the musical “Fifty Million Frenchmen”…

As a buyer for a firm that deals in ladies’ fur coats
I get sort of pessimistic now and then
‘Cause so many women who invest in our coats
Spend so many evenings out with other men.
I wish they’d simply take a few notes
From the animals who make their coats.

For if dear little ermines in Siberia
On their dear little husbands didn’t dote,
If the dear little ‘possum
Didn’t let their husbands boss ’em,
Tell me where would you get your coat?
If the dear little caraculs in Syria
All their time to their mates did not devote,
If the dear little sables ever told their husbands fables,
Tell me where would you get your coat?
If you modern wives led more domestic lives
And started singing “Home, Sweet Home”
There’d be no divorce in Paris and
Of course there’d be no more annulments in Rome.
For if the dear little foxes had hysteria
When their mates fondly grabbed them by the throat,
If the dear little rabbits weren’t so bourgeois in their habits,
Tell me where would you get your coat?

If the dear little lamb in Lithuania
Ever had a flirtation with a goat,
If home life didn’t thrill a South American chinchilla,
Tell me where would you get your coat?
If the dear little skunk in Pennsylvania
Over her dear little husband didn’t gloat,
If the dear little beaver
Were a birth control believer,
Tell me where would you get your coat?
Now if each wife I see
Would only try to be
Content to make her husband’s bed,
Cholly Knickerbocker might have nothing more to write
And Town Topics would cease to be read.
For if the dear little mink should get a mania
For some hell-raising gigolo of note,
If the dear little squirrel
Quit her mate
‘Cause he was virile,
Tell me where would you get your coat?

Now, you can’t get much more brilliant than that, in my humble opinion…

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